Dexterous and Deft

Yesterday was one of those days where friends, colleagues and family were strangely selfish, plans fell flat and almost everyone I encountered was difficult and abrasive. Add to this the monsoon which is frankly trying with it’s overcast clouds, 98% humidity and a three-hour power breakdown. Give me the blazing heat of summer any day. 

“Gray day. Everything is gray. I watch. But nothing moves today.” -Dr. Seuss

Today, however, the skies are blue and a little wind is tossing around the leaves of the trees. I feel I can breathe again. I need sunshine. Sunshine makes me happy.

People aren’t always going to think about your needs. They aren’t even always going to be polite. And while  I understand this with my brain, I feel hurt by their behaviour. The key to ensuring you don’t have an emotional reaction to people is to understand their behaviour from their point of view. After all, they’re not here to fulfil your wishes. And we don’t need to let our mood dip because somebody cancels a plan last minute, or forgets to phone to say she isn’t coming after all, or makes a hostile remark about your age because she herself hasn’t sorted some stuff out in her head.  At one level all those actions are impolite, and it’s perfectly reasonable to feel disrespected, uncared for and unloved. What did I learn from yesterday? 

Although unhappy at the way I was being treated, I don’t think it’s appropriate to confront a depressed friend with evidence of her careless behaviour or to sulk with a colleague who’s been less than considerate. I could have escalated things in either of those situations. But I prefer not to. I prefer to give them the benefit of the doubt and to work on doing something kind for myself. If other people don’t give you what you need, give it to yourself.

What can you do to make you feel better when others around you are behaving as if you don’t matter?

You can make yourself matter. If someone cancels something you can enjoy having the extra time, phone another friend, or do something else. If someone doesn’t cancel and just doesn’t turn up, well then, again you have a little time to relax, do nothing or read. 

What can turn that unexpected time into a gift instead of a gap is how you look at it. If we sulk and rant and shout, the time passes us by and we’re stressed and upset. If we acknowledge the irritation but decide to make the most of it then we can dash off to buy cupcakes, repot the roses, catch up with a friend, or listen to the news. 

“You’ll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. You’ll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. So be sure when you step. Step with care and great tact and remember that Life’s a Great Balancing Act. Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. And never mix up your right foot with your left.” Dr Seuss. Oh, the Places You’ll Go!